Sleestaked!

My love of all things Sleestak got a mild boost today when USA Today published this shot from the upcoming Land of the Lost movie. Now I've been wary of this film since it was announced, and I've still got massive reservations about it. The article that accompanied the shot did little to ease the discomfort. As expected, the film's going to be played for laughs, and since it stars none other than WF, it was always likely that was the way it was going to go. Unlike most of the other Sid & Marty Krofft shows, there's nothing intrinsically funny about the concept. It was often well written sci-fi given its targeted Saturday morning kid audience, and the David Gerrold-helmed first season in particular is worth trying to take seriously if you can get past the often hokey acting and cheesey effects. (I've often said that my interest in the show at age five paved the way to Doctor Who when I became a teenager.) Interestingly, by the third season, both Wesley Eure (Will) and Kathy Coleman (Holly) had matured into pretty good actors...but unfortunately by that time the show's scripts had also devolved into utter nonsense. In a perfect universe, Land of the Lost would be reimagined as a serious sci-fi TV series with good actors and big budget effects. If Battlestar Galactica can get a new lease on life, then with the right visionary at the helm, anything's possible.

Yet in all fairness to a film that I've yet to see, some of director Brad Silberling's words give me a vague hope that the finished movie might at least be something that Land of the Lost fans can laugh along with, rather than feeling as though the concept is being laughed at. One thing's for sure - those Sleestak look incredible!

Don't forget to check out the previous Morgue entry, Sleestak: An Appreciation, if you missed it when it was published last year.

A Slim New You

After more or less trashing “Voyage of the Damned” last week, it’d be all too easy to start a trend by picking apart Season Four’s first proper episode, “Partners in Crime.” The series has followed a predictable pattern with its season openers. They’re romps that acquaint (or reacquaint) the lead characters. The antagonist threat seems mild in comparison to typical Doctor dilemmas. There’s always an emphasis on humor, some mild social commentary, loads of running around and an easily resolved finale. “Partners in Crime” does adhere to the formula, but last week I stated “…Who should, at the very least, recycle the old into something vaguely new.” Where “Partners” succeeds is in its mild tweaking of the norm. If the season continues playing with established formula (which I’ll try to address in the coming weeks), then it could end up the best batch of episodes yet.

Read the rest of this piece by taking the pill offered at The House Next Door.

Abe the Babe

My ongoing quest to find hot nudie shots of Abe Vigoda on the internet has been a fruitless endeavor. There aren't even any decent fakes, which mystifies me. I mean, can there possibly be a better use for Photoshop than to at least create the illusion that Vigoda's goods are on display for all to bask in? (To do it myself would destroy the fantasy.) The travesty to the left is not only an insult to Abe's studlinesss, but it doesn't even make any sense. Abe in drag!?!? It's just not funny, and flies in the face of his quiet masculinity.

Anyway, I inadvertently stumbled across something on YouTube today that comes closer to fulfilling my dreams than anything else I've encountered. Strangely, I wasn't even looking for His [B]Abeness at the time - I was doing a search on Bea Arthur. It's a parody sketch of Sex and the City, starring Maude as Carrie Bradshaw. Sally Struthers, Katherine Helmond, and Charlotte Rae round out the rest of the self-centered foursome. (My feelings about Sex and the City are a whole different entry, but suffice it to say, I hate those bitches.)

But as I viewed the video, imagine the beats my heart skipped when it played its trump card in the closing seconds: Fish himself as Mr. Big.

While it's a huge tease and a massive shame that he doesn't appear au naturel, the idea of Abe banging Bea Arthur over and over throughout the night is enough to fuel my fantasies 'til the end of summer.

See the video for yourself by clicking here, and you'll no doubt know the feelings I'm experiencing as I type.

Blake's 7...finally?

Here's a project that's been on and off again so many times, I'm skeptical about it coming to fruition - but maybe now the time is actually right.

From today's Hollywood Reporter:

LONDON -- Hoping to cash in on the success of classic sci-fi revamps such as the BBC's Doctor Who and Battlestar Galactica, Sky One is planning to remake cult '80s space series Blake's Seven.

Sky has commissioned two 60-minute scripts with the intention of creating a new sci-fi series of the hugely popular show, which followed the intergalactic tales of a small band of rebel fighters struggling to evade the dark forces of the Federation.

Memorable for its cardboard sets and leather-clad arch villainess Servalan, the show was the creation of sci-fi legend Terry Nation, himself responsible for Doctor Who's arch-nemesis the Daleks.

Sky One commissioning editor Elaine Pike said Seven was "ripe" for a revival, which will be jointly exec produced by Andrew Mark Sewell at B7 Prods. Most recently the show was released as a successful series of audio books starring a modern cast including This Life star Daniela Nardini.

Revamped television formats have proved a huge success in the U.K., with a reworking of Doctor Who also generating original spinoff Torchwood. But the cultural politics of revamps can be tricky, said Sky One head of programs Richard Woolfe, who two years ago abandoned much-trumpeted plans to remake The Prisoner.

A Public Stoning

With the premiere of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay looming on the horizon (it arrives in theaters on April 25th), we here at Bullz-Eye found ourselves considering some of our other favorites who’ve fired up on film over the years. Originally, we were going to have 15 entries, but after we hit 13 we just didn’t have the energy to do much of anything except lie on the couch and scarf some munchies. Go figure. In the end, though, we realized that all we had to do was slap a “G” in front of the number, and we had ourselves an instant tribute to the most legendary strain of cannabis in history. (It’s killer stuff, man. Not that we’ve had it ourselves, y’know, but Lester Burnham swears by it, and that’s good enough for us.)

Check out Bullz-Eye's list of 13 iconic cinematic stoners by clicking here.

Damned Doctor

The chefs in the Doctor Who kitchen get more technically ambitious with each new season, and the annual Christmas specials are appetizers dished up to satiate diners between the seasonal main courses. “Voyage of the Damned” is first and foremost a spectacle echoing the infamous disaster movies of the sixties and seventies (especially The Poseidon Adventure). Clocking in at 72 minutes, it’s the longest single episode of the new series yet. It also snagged 13.31 million viewers upon its Christmas day BBC broadcast – one of the highest figures in Who history and the largest audience for the new series so far. (I believe the number translates into something like 50% of the TVs in Britain being tuned in.) Clearly Doctor Who isn’t losing any steam as far as the general public goes, but aside from all the flashy effects, frenetic pacing and high profile guest stars, is “Voyage of the Damned” any good?

Read the rest of this piece by clicking here to collide with The House Next Door.

Bullshit

Battlestar Galactica - Season Three

If you’re not already into the Sci Fi Channel’s revival of Battlestar Galactica, Season Three is probably not a good place to start – unless you don’t mind being utterly confused and left feeling like you’ve arrived late to a very intense party. The season begins more or less where the second left off: The majority of the human survivors had settled on a habitable planet they dubbed “New Caprica,” and within a matter of months found themselves enslaved by the Cylons and living in less than humane conditions. At the top of the conflicted heap is the newly elected President Gaius Baltar (James Callis), who’s forced to aid the Cylons in their takeover for fear of his life. Meanwhile, somewhere out in space resides Galactica, with a patient Admiral Adama (Edward James Olmos) at the helm, strategically devising a plan to rescue the New Capricans from their dire situation.

Read the rest of this DVD review by clicking here and visiting Bullz-Eye.

Doctor Who: "Planet of Evil" & "Destiny of the Daleks"

Two DVD reviews for your pleasure...

It’s been said that your first Doctor is your favorite, and that’s certainly true in my case. No matter how much I bask in the conviction of David Tennant, admire the intensity of Christopher Eccleston, or enjoy the straightforwardness of Peter Davison, Tom Baker will always be my Doctor. For American fans, similar feelings are often associated with their first Doctor Who story. Classic Who is so hit-or-miss that if the first show you tuned in was a weak offering, you may have never tuned in again. Late one summer evening back in 1984, “Planet of Evil” was on my local PBS station and after spending 90 minutes with Tom Baker and Elisabeth Sladen on Zeta Minor, I was hooked.

Read the rest of this DVD review by clicking here and visiting Bullz-Eye.

You’d think that a season of Doctor Who script-edited by Douglas Adams would be a high mark in the show’s long history, but you’d be wrong. Season 17, kicked off by “Destiny of the Daleks,” was Who at its campiest and most goofy. Sometimes the formula worked, sometimes not -- “Destiny” is somewhere in between. It’s a noteworthy story, however, in that it was not only the last Dalek-penned tale from Dalek creator Terry Nation, but also the last story he ever wrote for Doctor Who. It also featured Lalla Ward taking over the role of the Time Lady Romana, and it begins with a jokey Adams-scripted scene in which she regenerates into her new figure by literally trying on new bodies until settling on one that fits. If the sequence weren’t so damn witty it’d be embarrassing, and it’s emblematic of the type of high wire act Adams had a hand in playing the entire season.

Read the rest of this DVD review by clicking here and visiting Bullz-Eye.

A Real (Non)American Anti-Hero

IS

Can it be true? Read more here.

Terry Pratchett's Hogfather

The Hogfather is Santa Claus. He dresses the same and serves the same function, only he looks like a wild boar on two legs. This makes perfect sense given that Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather takes place on Discworld – a universe that’s alternate, but similar to our own. The Auditors – creepy, cloaked figures devoted to logic and reason – have put a hit out on the Hogfather. The Auditors are reminiscent of the Vogons from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. They’re slaves to bureaucracy, and the Hogfather (again, “Santa Claus”) represents the purest form of belief, which undermines the Auditors’ objective of keeping the world running in as uncomplicated a manner as possible. If it all sounds too far-fetched, give it a few minutes and you’ll embrace it as quickly as you accepted that Hogwarts was a school for young magicians in the Harry Potter series. In fantasy, some things just are.

Read the rest of this review by clicking here and visiting Bullz-Eye.

Versatility

Dallas - The Complete Eighth Season

One of the great pleasures of a TV on DVD addiction is basking in the ongoing releases of a series that lasted for a really long time. For me, one such series is Dallas, and I’ve been following it season by season since the sets started coming out several years ago. Season Eight is noteworthy for two major reasons: Donna Reed took over the role of Miss Ellie, and at the time, its finale was to be Patrick Duffy’s swan song as Bobby Ewing (literally - the episode is actually titled “Swan Song!”).

Dallas is one of those rare shows that remain entertaining no matter how ridiculous it gets. Season Eight (which aired in ’84 and ’85 and packs a whopping 30 episodes) should logically be the last to deliver solid goods, as it’s the one before the over-the-top theatrics of the infamous dream season; at least that’s what I was expecting.

Find out if Season Eight delivered "what I was expecting" by clicking here and reading the rest of the review at Bullz-Eye.

Cheeseburger in a Can

If you're anything like me - and surely you must be, or else you wouldn't frequent a Morgue - the idea of a Cheeseburger in a Can is both revolting and intriguing. The fine, brave folks at The A.V. Club got their hands on one and gave it a taste test. Their conclusions are amusing to say the least. I'm still trying to figure out how there could be so many reactions to one tiny burger. They must have cut it up into some awfully tiny pieces. Perhaps that's all one can stomach anyway? I gotta admit, they've not turned me off entirely, and if a Cheeseburger in a Can ever rolls my way, I'll probably give it a shot.

Tell Me You Love Me - The Complete First Season

HBO’s Tell Me You Love Me is a difficult show to recommend, but that’s not an indictment of its quality. The series debuted last September, alongside the sixth season of Curb Your Enthusiasm – a programming move that likely hurt both series; it’d be similar to pairing CSI with Three’s Company. (Maybe that’s not the best analogy, but you get the idea.) Months before its premiere, the show earned a notorious reputation for its explicit sex scenes. So pervasive was the stigma that many probably tuned in expecting a Red Shoe Diaries type of affair. Those “many” were probably disappointed by its raw approach to – let’s call a spade a spade – fucking, as well as shaken by the complexity of emotions on display.

I admired Tell Me You Love Me immensely, but it's hard to explain why. Read the rest of this piece by clicking here and visiting Bullz-Eye.

Fucking Damon & Affleck

I have not seen Sarah Silverman's "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" video, which seems to have been jokingly aimed at her beau Jimmy Kimmel. I've also not partaken in Jimmy's follow up retort to Sarah entitled "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck." It would be far easier and less time consuming than writing this post to just go find and watch them. But this might be more fun.

All four of the people involved in this joke are talented to some degree or other. Damon's a pretty damn good actor who most always manages to work within his limits, and in doing so more often than not comes away looking good, even if the movie he's in is shit. Affleck, on the other hand, got sucked into the machine in an ugly way, and ended up doing all manner of crap to keep people happy and himself on the radar. When reports of him drunk and hanging all over strippers in Vegas surfaced, I understood the guy; if anything I'd say he was well behaved. And after seeing "Gone Baby Gone" this weekend, he's got a gold star in my book. But as much as I liked it, he's acted in so much nonsense it's only starting to even out. Ben and I would probably get along fine, so long as he didn't expect me to play poker ('cuz he'd whoop my ass). His overall career is one thing he wouldn't have to worry about me bringing up. I get it. I'm sure he does. End of story.

Sarah Silverman's hot, but I don't find her all that entertaining. I get why other people find her funny, but I know that I don't. By the time Kimmel's show comes on, I'm either away from the TV, watching something on cable or DVD, writing, hounding the 'net, etc. I've got almost no opinion of the guy other than he seems jovial enough. He's good on the roasts.

So there it is. I can't be bothered to check out these gags which have seemingly entertained millions, because none of the four people involved move me enough to make the simplest of efforts. Yet clearly I'm so aware of these bits that I've been driven to write a meaningless entry on the subject.

I feel like I might be missing out. I wonder if I am. I suspect I am not.

You tell me.

Blade: The Complete Series

Blade writer/director David S. Goyer was inspired by shows like The Sopranos and Wiseguy when he imagined Blade: The Series. His idea was to create a world with 12 separate vampire houses, in which various characters were continually at odds with each other in their diverse attempts at taking or maintaining control over the vampire underworld. He throws in an engaging spy, a sympathetic villain, corrupts cops & politicians, and drug abuse (in the form of snorting vampire ash) as a means of giving weight to what might otherwise be a silly world.

Find out if Blade: The Series sucks or if it's worth sinking your teeth into by clicking here and visiting Bullz-Eye.

The Mod Squad: Season One, Vol. One

You know the infamous Dragnet episode entitled “The LSD Story”? There are episodes of The Mod Squad that are alarmingly similar to it, only instead of two stodgy cops, there are three hip young kids on the case. The Mod Squad first hit TV screens in 1968, and it was an attempt to grab the youth audience while addressing issues that the youth culture was being exposed to, like recreational drug use, the peace and love hippie movement, and racial unrest. Indeed, as it appeared a year after “The LSD Story,” one wonders if it was something of an answer to Jack Webb’s square brand of policing.

Are Pete, Linc and Julie's adventures still solid? Will you groove with this DVD set? Find out by clicking here to visit Bullz-Eye.

Tae Kwon Don't

A bit that I hadn't heard in years is called "Tae Kwon Leap." My friend Jim played it for me when we were young and carefree (now we're just old and carefree). It's an incredibly funny piece in which this goofball interrupts a martial arts class with his stupid nonsense. All I really know is that it's by a Canadian comedy troupe called The Frantics and that it's some hee-larious shit.

Here's a text excerpt:

Ed: No disrespect or nothing, but like how long is this going to take?

Master: Tae-Kwon-Leap is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.

Ed: So like, what, an hour or so?

Master: No, no. We have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gruberman, you must learn patience.

Ed: Yeah, yeah, yeah -- patience. How long will that take?

Click here to download the entire audio bit. The file is only 2.71 MB and runs about 6 minutes.

(Thanks to the guy who's hosting this MP3.)

Torchwood: The Complete First Season

Torchwood harkens back to a type of sci-fi TV that’s been absent from screens for some time now – fare like The X-Files and Dark Skies. The title of the show refers to the name of a covert organization that seemingly operates above and outside the law in Cardiff, Wales. See, there’s a time and space rift in Cardiff through which alien debris enters our world, and it’s Torchwood’s mission to scavenge and protect. Their fearless leader is the charismatic Capt. Jack Harkness (John Barrowman), a character introduced in the first season of the new Doctor Who series. Jack’s actually from the 51st century, but is stranded on present-day Earth. He’s appropriately omnisexual: a futuristic hero who’s slept around with men, women, aliens – a real “anything with a pulse” sort of fellow. He’s also got a few secrets, and a major one is revealed in the final moments of the first episode, “Everything Changes.”

Read the rest of this DVD review by clicking here to visit Bullz-Eye.

And make sure to visit The House Next Door after Torchwood's Season Two BBC America premiere this Saturday for Joan Hedman's ongoing weekly dissection of the series. BBC America will also be premiering Season Three of Doctor Who on the same night. Click here for times and schedules.