Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Rued Manifesto


The cats at Liverputty are currently inviting select bloggers to submit "manifestos", which strikes me as brave and bold given where it could end up. (I expect government intervention at any time.) The concept is as it sounds:

manifesto, n.: A public declaration of principles, policies, or intentions, especially of a political nature.

Wagstaff created the first Manifesto over a year ago. It stood strong, proud and solitary for ages -- mostly, I believe, because it intimidated the crap out of anyone who read it.

Earlier this month The Dude, feeling crushed for nearly 12 months by the sheer weight of Wag's mantra, unveiled a whole new way of living life on this sordid rock.

Days later, EscutcheonBlot provided a European point of view. E.B. predicted stupid American after another would chime in. As ideas are global and all, this was a wise move.

By now, momentum had built and the blogosphere was reaching a boiling point.

And then a certain solid waste hit a certain spinning device attached to a certain ceiling when -- yep, you guessed it: The Odienator told it like it really was. If you are reading this at work and can't afford public embarrassment, I recommend checking out Odie's thoughts at home. There you can self-flagellate in private, finally seeing the error of your many ways, bitch.

On Monday, Edward Copeland seemingly announced, "Fuck this. You guys haven't a clue" by inferring everyone else had been far too lenient in their declarations. There are many lessons you've yet to learn, grasshopper; I'll save you the trouble on one: Don't screw with Ethel Merman fans -- ever.

Thinking I might provide a pompous document worth heckling or poking varieties of holes into, and a talkback that could appear impressive due to my pathetic, numerous rebuttals, Liverputty invited yours truly to join the project.

Today The Rued Manifesto makes its debut at Liverputty. Personally, I think it's soft and flabby compared to those who laid the groundwork. My biggest problem is that I'm too nice a guy and I let everyone slide (which I realize as I type, should have been part of the Manifesto).

You dear readers are my judge and jury -- but take serious issue with anything I have to say[1], and you're invited to piss off and get your free entertainment from either FoxNews or'cuz last time I checked your name wasn't on any paycheck to be found in my mailbox.

Cherish or ignore it (I don't give a fuck either way): behold The Rued Manifesto.


The latest from the Liverputty Manifestival...

Charlie Parsley's Menufesto: Read the most bizarre manifesto yet -- the one to which I could only respond "Baz Luhrmann needs to write a tune to go along with [this]".

Jeffrey's Manifesto: King Liverputty himself has finally taken the leap. Most fascinating is the intro -- a breakdown of each previous manifesto into percentages of what he agreed and disagreed with along the way! The Rued Manifesto scored "Agree – 55%; Disagree – 26%; Don’t Know – 19%" on the Jeffometer; Parsley's Menufesto, however, scored a Disagree - 100%!

Lastly, be sure to check out the comments section of this entry to see Sheik Yerbootie's Manifesto, which contains this priceless gem: Watching movies in a theatre is an exercise in futility. Oh, the horror!!!

[1] The "Aunt Bee" comment is negotiable.